How A Single Pivotal Person Taught Me What Real Wealth Looks Like

Pivotal moments come around only so many times in life. The same can be said for pivotal people. It wasn’t until I was 18 years old that I met one such pivotal person. When I was 18 I thought real wealth meant a big house and flashy car. After meeting that person, I quickly realized that I was wrong. Over the course of a few months, my thoughts about money were completely reshaped and my financial outlook changed forever.

Up until that point in my short life, I had a very limited and distorted view of money and wealth. I was the youngest of four children in a poor family. Ironically, our trailer home was on the right side of the tracks which meant I was fortunate enough to attend a good school from kindergarten all the way up through high school.

But attending a good school didn’t stop me from sitting in study hall my senior year calculating how much money I would need to make to be able to afford a nice double wide for my impending adult life. I am not kidding. I can vividly recall sitting at that desk with a piece of scrap paper and meticulously combing over how much I would expect to pay for a mortgage on a double wide and all the other expenses that go along with home ownership.

My circle of influence was small and the bar was set low. At 18 years old, that was the future I envisioned for myself.

My Wealthy Friend

Back then, from my perspective, anyone who didn’t live in a trailer seemed rich. Obviously, rich is a relative term, but I was seriously impressed by anyone who lived in a real house. And since I attended a good school in a good area, a lot of my friends lived in real houses.

In high school, I can remember driving to a new development to visit a friend at his new house. As I walked through the door I was greeted with a sea of white towering walls, a vaulted ceiling, and an impressive staircase. I watched from the kitchen as my friend hurriedly descended the staircase to say hello.

I literally felt dwarfed and not worthy of his friendship sitting at that kitchen island, and it was at that very moment I decided my friend’s parents must be mega-rich.

Now, till this day, I have no idea how much money or actual wealth my friend’s parents had. I just knew they could afford a big house in a nice neighborhood. To me, a big house = rich.

Caution: Adulthood Ahead

I carried that memory with me through the end of high school and into the start of adulthood. In my family back in the 90s, when you turned 18 years old, you were considered an adult. My parents didn’t keep the training wheels on and they didn’t care if I felt like I needed a bit more nurturing. They literally pushed me out of the nest to fend for myself as an adult.

Hashtags of any sort hadn’t even been invented (I’m lookin’ at you, #adulting) and the concept of emerging adulthood being between the ages of 18 and 25 hadn’t yet been introduced into mainstream psychology or the media.

Hence, my parents taught me how to fill out checks to pay monthly expenses and expected me to do so. And since they lived in a trailer, there was no moving back to their basement – not that there’s anything wrong with that – it just wasn’t an option. These were different times, I tell ya.

My First Real Job

I had typical (fast food) and not-so-typical (sexing chicks) part-time jobs throughout my teenage years, but I landed my first real job about a year after I graduated high school. After working for a certain global corporation for about 9 months as a temp, I was brought aboard as a permanent, full-time, day-shift employee. My job was to solder electrical components together in a prototype laboratory.

It paid better than minimum wage and came with good health benefits and a matching 401k plan for all employees over the age of 21. Both things my mother always told me were important to have. I listened. And I gotta say, I felt pretty darn proud of myself. After all, I was only 18 years old and already I was making over $9/hour with great bennies. That was better than most adults in my circle.

Then, one day, my circle changed.

Personal Perspective

How does that old saying go? You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Part of orientation for my new job was to walk around with a seasoned employee to meet everyone. Meeting everyone meant walking to the other side of the hallway where the engineers and managers worked. Stepping through the door was like stepping into a different world. It was a luxurious technological space littered with smart people, impressive computers, and tastefully-decorated conference rooms.

I always envisioned my high school friend’s parents to have jobs in a place like that.

As I walked from office to office exchanging pleasantries as professionally as I could at 18, I can remember being super impressed by one engineer who didn’t seem all that much older than me. I was right. He was fresh out of college with his master’s degree, had slicked back hair, and dressed, well, like a young person. He wasn’t stuffy or uptight like everyone else. He was cool.

It wasn’t soon before my tour was over and I was back across the hallway with my co-workers soldering components.

Funny thing though, I didn’t work on the main manufacturing floor. I worked in the prototype lab. That meant I had to work side by side with the engineers from the other side to get new components into production. Over the course of my first few months, I got to know that cool engineer pretty well.

Eccentricity Breeds Attraction

My worldly exposure up until that point was almost non-existent. Because we didn’t have a lot of money, I didn’t see many places. I didn’t see the ocean until I was a teenager and I had never laid eyes on New York City, despite living only three hours away from both.

The engineer was the opposite of everything I ever knew. He grew up in Summit, New Jersey. His backyard overlooked the Manhattan skyline and he graduated from Drew and Rutgers. Two schools I hadn’t even heard of until I talked to him.

He was different, eccentric even. I watched him as he ‘kept a pulse’ on real estate in the area. Kept a pulse on real estate?  That was the first time I ever heard that phrase, let alone from someone so young. He talked about his jaunts to the Jersey beach and NYC on the weekends and I saw wads of cash in his wallet whenever I was close enough to get a glimpse.

Conversely, I also watched as he fixed his own car, bought things on sale, and wore clothes that were old and sometimes not perfect. A few of his favorites had small holes here and there that he would repair if they got too tattered. Seeing him in the evenings with a needle and thread as we watched TV was not an unusual event.

Mind you, he was never flashy about his wealth. He was actually very subtle and quiet about his life and his financial position. I was just astute in recognizing his position as being quite a few levels higher than mine.

Changing Direction

He knew my knowledge of life was limited but he also saw my potential and desire to do better. One day I was helping him with a project at work when he asked why I was working there and not in college. When I told him I wasn’t smart enough to go to college he burst into laughter so loud that everyone in the room stopped in their tracks to stare at us.

I felt my face turn every shade of red as I glared down at my workbench. He knew he embarrassed me but he didn’t mean to, so he went on to explain that I possessed way more intelligence than necessary to go to college and that I should make that a goal of mine. When I told him what I’m sure he already knew, that I didn’t have money to go, he told me about community college. Again, he opened my eyes to something I never heard of before.

That day he explained to me that college should be my #1 priority and that my job should be a distant second. Here I was, super proud and excited that I landed such a good job and here is this educated person that I respected, not much older than me, telling me that my job wasn’t as great as I thought it was.

Looking back, I learned something about myself that day. I learned that I’m coachable. From that moment on, I set my sights on a college degree and a better life. I secretly applied to the local community college and was…wait for it…ACCEPTED. I had no idea at the time that community colleges had open-admissions policies.

The Old Apartment And The Rusty Datsun

As time went on, we started going to lunch here and there and hanging out on the weekends. One Friday after work he surprised me with a trip to New York City. Since I was still only 19 years old, my mom wanted to talk to him before we left. He explained that we would be staying with his sister who lived in a nice neighborhood in Manhattan and that he’s extremely familiar with the city and had plenty of money. Whoa, when I heard that conversation I felt totally at ease and excited. I had always wanted to see the Big Apple and couldn’t believe it was going to happen just like that.

On that trip, I saw the house he grew up in and met his sister. We went to the top of the World Trade Center, ate dinner in the Seinfeld diner, and ascended the spiral in the Guggenheim. I was in awe.

I also couldn’t wrap my head around why he lived in a tiny studio apartment or drove a rusty Datsun when he seemed to have plenty of money. His life didn’t make sense to me.

Pivoting

As time passed and I got to know him more and more, I realized that, despite his dumpy studio apartment and rusty old Datsun, he was rich. Like, really rich. His family was rich. He grew up that way so it was nothing new and he didn’t feel a need to show it off.

From the Manhattan skyline in his backyard to summers on Martha’s Vineyard, he was everything I ever wanted to be – just without the big house. And he was MY friend.

Did that mean I could rise to his level? Did that mean he was now in my circle of influencers? It sure did! It just goes to show you that pivotal people can and do walk into your life when you least expect them.

Related:

• The ORIGINAL Tiny House
• Extreme Frugality Fatigue Is All It’s Cracked Up To Be
• Why We Stopped Chasing Early Retirement For A Happier Life
• Ditch The Financial Gimmicks For A Better Life

As You Might Expect

As you might expect, we ended up dating. And as you might expect for two people that age, it didn’t last. But I’m forever grateful for that relationship and what I learned about life and myself. That engineer from the other side of the hallway became the first pivotal person that entered my life and changed my financial outlook forever.

I no longer look at big houses and automatically think the people who live in them are rich. These days, I’m much more likely to watch someone use coupons or get into a crappy car and wonder if he or she is a millionaire.

Balance Sheet vs. Income Sheet

It was during the time we dated that I also came across The Millionaire Next Door (that’s an affiliate link) and was introduced to the concept of balance sheet affluent versus income sheet affluent. The former being people who have accumulated way more assets than liabilities. The latter being people who earn high incomes but don’t necessarily have a high net worth or any assets at all.

I bought that book on CD and still own it today. It made me realize that my engineer friend with his little apartment and crappy car was not an anomaly. He fell into the category of the millionaire next door.

So, what about my friend’s parents with the big house? Well, we lost touch so I’ll never know where they fell, but I wouldn’t’ be surprised if it was on the income side of the tracks.

Related:

• How We Avoided Massive College Debt
• Operating With An Attitude Of Gratitude On The Path To Financial Independence
• Growing Up Poor Was My Single Biggest Financial Motivator
• I’m Not Working My Ideal Job. And I’m Okay With That.

Knowledge Isn’t Enough

Armed with my new knowledge about true wealth and the path I wanted to take, I still made big mistakes. I allowed future relationships to derail my progress. I fell into debt and didn’t save nearly as much as I could have when I was young.

But, despite it all, those lessons stayed with me. I eventually met Mr. MMM and got back on track. Today, we’re well on our way to achieving financial independence and becoming a member of the balance sheet affluent.

Life is a process and a journey and I intend to enjoy it every step (and misstep) along the way.

Did you have a pivotal money person in your life?