Warning: This post recounts a tale of hardcore MOM advice from yesteryear.
Moms, they’re funny creatures, aren’t they? They lecture us about not getting enough sleep, they threaten to not babysit when we ignore them for too long, they give us constant unsolicited advice on parenting, marriage, and cooking. And yet, no one in the world loves us more.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about all of the advice my mom gave me as I was growing up. Looking back on it, that advice certainly did shape my thoughts and the way in which I operate in this world. Today, I’m going to share a piece of pillar advice I heard from my mom over and over again – “Always have your own money!”
First, let me preface this by saying, I completely understand that not everyone lives this way. And that’s okay. The purpose of this post is to enlighten and entertain. I am in no way suggesting that EVERYONE should always have their own money because my mom said so. Now, with that said, let’s dig into why my mom told me that and how it’s affected my life in a positive way. Here we go!
Always Have Your Own Money
So, just what did my mom mean by telling me to always have my own money? She meant exactly that – Always Have Your Own Money. In other words, I should strive to always be able to support myself, regardless of what circumstance life decides to throw my way. And, regardless of what circumstances I get myself into.
Parents always have their children’s best interests at heart. They want their children to Do More and Be More. Their wish is for their children to always be happy, healthy, and never experience discomfort. And, they hope their children have plenty of money and enter into solid, well-suited relationships. But let’s face it, all these hopes and dreams and wishes don’t always take shape. And when they don’t, it’s nice to have, you guessed it…Money.
Money obviously isn’t a cure-all, but it sure does offer up some wonderful options when life throws you a curveball. When money has your back, you can endure the emotional stresses of a difficult time without having to worry about how you’re going to pay the mortgage or buy groceries. With money, you have the luxury of taking a breather and contemplating your next move. This is something my mother never had.
Reasons For This Advice
My mother had a marriage before meeting my father that fell apart for a multitude of reasons. They were young, foolish, and didn’t realize the commitment and responsibilities required to make a marriage last. Unfortunately, that relationship ended with my mother being left alone with 3 small children and no financial support.
So there was my mother, alone at 29-years-old with 3 children to raise and no idea how to do it. She didn’t have a high school diploma, let alone a college degree, and she didn’t have a full-time job. What did she do? Thankfully, she had a big family that was able to help her until she met my father. Circumstances worked out for my mother, but she was certainly aware of her precarious situation and her helplessness to change it in the moment.
Obviously, because she had this negative experience and was ill-equipped to handle it, both emotionally and financially, she drilled her mantra into my head. Along with Always Have Your Own Money came Never Depend On Anyone Else.
Again, I’m not saying her advice was right.
It was her baggage and she didn’t want me to experience the same thing she had to endure. So she gave me this advice as her way of teaching me and trying to make sure I Did More and Became More.
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- Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Financial Story
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- Operating With An Attitude Of Gratitude On The Path To Financial Independence
How Her Advice Shaped My Life
Don’t misunderstand, I have made plenty of mistakes as an adult that have involved money and relationships. Plenty. Fortunately, nothing has been so damaging that it couldn’t be fixed. Unfortunately, that fixing sometimes took many long years. And is still continuing. Through it all though, those words of advice from my mom continued to echo in the back of my mind…over and over again.
Looking back on how my life has shaped up over the last decade and beyond, I have to say that following mom’s advice has served me well. I pushed myself to get a college education while working full-time at a factory. It took me 8 years to finish my bachelor’s degree, but I finished it nonetheless.
I also had the educational backing and financial wherewithal to support myself, both emotionally and financially, when I decided to walk away from a very long and very not-good-for-me relationship.
On top of that, I weathered several years of single motherhood. And I did it all while holding down a professional job, managing a home and a rental property, and financially caring for…drum roll…my mother! The nice thing about having my own money (and education) during that time? I had the option of walking away from that relationship and depending only on myself to rebuild my life from the ground up. Thanks, Mom!
Nowadays, I’m instilling the same values into my little girl. I’m hoping she’ll Do Even More and Be Even Better.