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Up until a few years ago, I was pretty much normal when it came to following consumer norms. Let’s see… I had car debt, student loans, credit cards, and a hefty mortgage to boot. That all changed when I decided to take charge of my money, reject consumer norms, and change my financial family tree forever.
Rejecting Consumer Norms Didn’t Come Easily
Rejecting consumer norms I had bought into as a child didn’t come easily. After all, I wanted all the markers of success I didn’t have growing up. I wanted flashy clothes, a fancy car, and most of all, I wanted the BIG house.
And for the most part, I was able to check all of those boxes off my list by the time I hit 30 years old. Then, long story short, my relationship fell apart and I lost it all. I had to restart my entire life from the ground up and the inside out.
At that point, I didn’t really know who I was. I had an internal image of myself that I presented to the world predicated on the things I had acquired.
You might think that restarting my life at 30 with absolutely nothing meant hitting rock bottom – you would be wrong. It meant hitting emotional rock bottom. It fundamentally changed me on an emotional level but not on a financial one.
My desire to achieve everything I had before the break-up (flashy clothes, a fancy car, and a BIG house) was even stronger. After the break-up, I needed to prove to myself, my ex, and the world that I could acquire all of those markers of success ON MY OWN.
Consumer Norms All The Way
It took a few years, but eventually, I was living the consumerism dream again. But this time I was doing it on my own.
My Stupid Post Break-Up Financial Moves:
- All retirement savings were suspended. I needed that money to buy stuff.
- I purchased flashy clothes, enjoyed expensive dinners, and threw lavish parties.
- My luxury 4×4 SUV was NOT on the chopping block. That was status-y. It had to stay.
- I rented an apartment even though I had a rental home my mom was living in.
- I purchased a second home with only $200 in my bank account after closing.
- Etc.
It wasn’t that I had no insight into the world of finances. Quite the contrary. I had always been motivated to save and change the financial landscape I grew up in. Hence, the all the good money moves I made as a very young adult. See next paragraph.
Immediately upon graduating from college, I was contributing a significant amount to my 401(k), maxing out an IRA, and had purchased a rental property.
The problem was that I had crossed a few wires in my head and was confusing what it meant to be successful. And unfortunately, the FIRE community wasn’t as mainstream then as it is today.
I struggled with projecting an image of wealth as opposed to actually building it – as many, many people do. Despite having a high salary during the above fiasco, I continued to repeat a litany of lies to myself and others saying that I couldn’t save more, invest for my future, etc. Why? Because I was alone. I didn’t have a partner or husband with an income like so many other women at my age.
If I had that, I could Have It All. I could have the image of success and actual money in the bank.
Scared Straight – Hitting Financial Rock Bottom
Then, it happened. I met someone and we clicked. We got married. And we continued to live the life I had been living alone. We were both chasing the image of success rather than actual success. This meant expensive dinners out shopping for a bigger house.
We finally hit financial rock bottom together when we nearly purchased that BIG house we couldn’t comfortably afford. That big house was the very last thing I wanted under my belt to prove my worth.
In the end, we decided that panic attacks and night sweats over the expense didn’t justify the purchase. We walked. And we’re so happy we did. It was at that moment that we rebooted our financial lives and re-dedicated ourselves to changing our financial family tree.
Retraining Our Financial Brains
After the near-suicidal purchase of that big house, it didn’t take us long to retrain our financial brains. We found the FIRE community and a plethora of personal finance blogs that spoke to us.
We were able to see clearly and realize what it actually meant to build wealth and be successful. We even figured out our net worth! It wasn’t stunning – but at least it wasn’t negative.
Our financial motivation switched from embracing consumer norms to rejecting them in exchange for hefty investing and a more carefree lifestyle. We realized we didn’t need all the stuff that society tells us are markers of wealth. And we were finally relieved and happy.
Related content:
- 3 Simple Ways To Send Your Savings Into The Stratosphere
- My Single Biggest Financial Mistake: A Decade-Long Disaster
- 13 Easy Tips To Take Control Of Your Money
- Shifting To A Frugal Mindset Has Given Us Options. Tons Of Options.
- Be Coachable If You Want To Build Massive Wealth
- 11 Must-Read Books That’ll Make You A Financial Rock Star
How We Enjoy Life Now
Rejecting a life of consumption to a life of frugality has helped us tremendously along the way.
These days, we’re happy with Sunday hikes, spaghetti dinners, and playing board games. It’s a stark contrast from the life we had been living – but it’s so much more enjoyable.
And the peace of mind that comes along with knowing we have plenty of financial backing should something go awry is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.
5 Comments
For me I get the most pleasure from things that cost very little money – like spending time with my family, going on hikes or walks, and enjoying nearby parks. Some consumer norms creep in, but I try to be on a fairly constant guard against getting too caught up in buying things.
Yeah, it’s true. Consumer norms do have a way of creeping in, even when you’re completely aware of them. But, you gotta enjoy some things, right?
I saw from another post about how you save money by not having cable tv, which is Great, but how do you save money on internet? There’s really only 2 tv/internet companies in my area, Comcast and Verizon, and they’re so expensive. To have only internet with them it’s about $80! With a promotion! But getting tv, internet, and home phone it’s about $140. It’s worth getting all 3 but again it’s really expensive! But I need internet. Any suggestions??
Yeah, we did have a promotional rate for a long time which was $49/month, but now that’s over and it’s back up to just under $80. We have xFinity…which is either a part of Comcast or used to be Comcast. All I know is our bill switched from Comcast to xFinity. If you just want Internet, you might want to call and ask for their cancellation department. If you threaten to cancel, there is a HIGH chance they will offer a better promotion. Other than that, we’re all kind of stuck with paying high rates for Internet. Unfortunately, there aren’t many options out there.