My husband and I have been focusing on paying off our mortgage (and our rental mortgage) so we can achieve absolute debt freedom. So why on earth did we spend most of the weekend debating whether or not we sell our current house and buy a bigger one? Well, I’m glad you asked. As many of you know, I absolutely love real estate. And as many times as I have decided against buying a bigger house, I continue to circle back to it. Resisting the temptation to upsize continues to be a struggle Over the weekend Mr. MMM and I had a financial upDate. Yeah, we’re pretty goofy when it comes to dating and, well, life in general. Our financial date was a standard coffee date at our favorite spot with our usual beverages. Just in case you’re wondering, I get an iced mocha latte (no whipped cream even though I’d love some) and Mr. MMM gets a hot Jasmine green tea with ice. Yes, with ice.
Financial UpDate
Our goal for this particular date was to discuss and better define our long-term goals in regards to our investments. After about an hour of analyzing and discussing several possibilities for our future, we both walked away happy.
We decided to continue to pay off the mortgage on our primary home and our rental home. When those last two debts are out of the way, we will embark on the acquisition of additional rental properties to provide future income.
The Temptation To Buy A Bigger House
When I say the struggle is real, I mean it. As much as I know that the wisest financial decision right now is to stay put and work our plan, I continue to entertain the idea of upsizing our home by perusing the Realtor.com app quite frequently. This is evidenced in me finding “the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood” over the weekend!
When this fresh listing hit the market, I was smitten immediately. And then it began – the conversation to change our plan. You know, the plan we just solidified a few hours earlier.
After much analysis, I am hyper-aware of the reasons behind my continued obsession to upsize. Without diving into the entire story, here’s a brief synopsis for my new readers:
My beginnings were quite humble. I grew up in the original tiny house (read: trailer) and, as a child, I was extremely embarrassed, especially since I attended a school in “the good district” with kids from affluent families. Long story short, all I ever wanted when I was growing up was a big house in a nice neighborhood.
Not surprisingly, the pursuit of that ideal house has interfered with some of my adult-decision-making. So much so that I stayed in a bad relationship for way too long because we had a nice house. I also purchased my current house with only $200 left in my bank account so that my daughter would have a backyard.
Since making these mistakes and suffering the consequences – I’m not yet financially independent and could be had I chose differently in the past – I know that I continue to covet a big house because I grew up poor and want to prove to myself and the world that I have made a nice life for myself.
Location, Location, Location
Let me be clear that my motivations to move are not purely to have a big house. After renovating our home a couple years ago, it is pretty much our dream home in terms of upgrades and finishes. It’s a little smaller than I’d like, but the fact that it’s almost completely customized makes it a wonderful place to live.
What I don’t love about our house is its location. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad location, it’s just not my ideal location. When I originally purchased the home, I purchased it with the idea that it would eventually become a rental property. In doing so, I didn’t analyze every little aspect of its location.
At the time, all I cared about was that it was in a good school district and it was conveniently located for potential renters. I didn’t care that there was an apartment building for seniors across the street or that I could see an industrial park through the backyard trees. But now that I’m still here after 8 years and considering staying for the long haul, I suddenly care about its not-so-ideal location.
What I want now is a nice home on a nice residential street. Is that really so bad?
It’s All For The Child. I Swear.
Funny thing – I actually believed this up until yesterday. After realizing that I want a bigger house on a nice residential street to validate myself and somehow counteract the fact that I grew up in a trailer, I continue to tell myself that the real reason is that I want to give this gift to my daughter.
When I finally approached her about the idea of moving to this newly listed house, she quickly scanned the pictures and became silent. Upon asking her how she felt she proceeded to exclaim, “we just fixed our house up and now we’re going to move!” She was genuinely upset and not even close to being happy about it.
This was the point in which I realized that I was/am chasing this home for me. Even though I have good intentions and want to give my daughter the childhood home that I never had, it truly just comes down to my issue. This is clearly not what she wants. At least, not right now. Maybe when she gets a little older and wants a bigger bedroom, she’ll feel differently. But for now, this is not in her wheelhouse and she doesn’t want it to be.
Cultural Norms
On top of my own personal issues with tiny living and the desire to buy a bigger house, I also see everyone around me upsizing. Going big or going home seems to be the norm in our culture. Buying a starter house and then selling it to upsize a few years later is the expected path for most American families.
And when you live in America, you tend to do what other Americans do. Peer pressure is and always will be a very real pull. Since we tend to judge ourselves in relation to our peers, it’s no surprise that we tend to do what everyone else does. Unfortunately, in this case, doing what everyone else does is usually counterproductive to building wealth.
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Our Plan
Our plan for the future is fluid. We are adults and we have reserved the right to change our minds. However, the one thing we don’t want to change our minds about is achieving financial independence. We might tweak some things here and there but our ultimate destination is the same.
So after a weekend of deliberation and debate over whether or not to buy a bigger house has ended with the deletion of an app and a yawn. We have committed once again to pay off our mortgages (primary and rental) and continue to chart a course toward financial independence.
When the mortgages are wiped from our debt slate, we will revisit the prospect of buying a bigger house. Until then, it’s smooth sailing and stress-free livin’.
What are your thoughts on the expectation to upsize?
8 Comments
We moved to a bigger home a few years ago, although our motivation was more about getting property with privacy than it was about getting a bigger house. Based on what I know now, I’m not sure I would make the same decision again. I love our house and our property, but it costs much more (in time and money) to maintain.
Yeah, this is exactly our struggle. Our move wouldn’t be so much about size (although I feel we would benefit from more space) as it would be about location. All in all though, we’re not in a terrible location right now. It’s the transaction costs and increased expenses all around that continue to give us pause. Thanks for commenting!
We did live in a mobile home right after we married, then bought our starter house. Over thirty years later we are still in that same house though we have added on and modernized a few times. We are slightly early retired millionaires now with no debt partly because we controlled the two biggest wealth preventers, too much car expense and too much housing expense. Half my former employees have fancier houses, and they are still working, but I’m not!
Your comment makes me feel so good. We have also done good job of controlling our housing and and car expenses. But like I said in the post, it is still a struggle for me to not upsize.
I think it is easy to idealize certain aspects about different life choices. We love our current neighborhood and schools, but sometimes I wish I lived in a place that had walk-able access to our downtown area. However, to afford such access would stretch our finances to be able to pay for downtown outings and likely result in a house much older than our present home and require greater costs for maintenance and upkeep. I let go of the “desire” with the realization that we are truly happy where we are and should I still want the walking access when our finances are exactly where I’d like them to be, we can explore that option at that time.
I understand the strong pull of certain “dream life” wishes that are technically within your means, but not if you are really committed to anticonsumerist goals like FIRE (or for us, raising a family on one income in a moderately high cost of living area). For me, travel is the “can’t stop looking and thinking about it even when I know I should” thing. I know travel can be done cheaply (and we do), but the reality is that if we want the financial independence, we’re going to have to put major travel on pause for a bit. But it will be back on the table at a later time. As you say, maybe later on, your daughter will feel the desire for an upgrade, too. That might be the time to revisit.
Yeah, you make great points. The desire for something other than what we currently have is the “grass is always greener” scenario. When it actuality – the grass is rarely ever greener on the other side. Thanks for commenting!
I’m in a somewhat similar situation now. We can afford the house we live in and I like it, but I really don’t love the idea of my children growing up with this neighborhood. It’s definitely not somewhere where they’ll have little friends close by or somewhere that I would feel comfortable letting them play in the front yard alone. We live in an older neighborhood close to busy streets and surrounded by older or not-great neighbors. I really want to get our forever house next–somewhere in a nice neighborhood and a nice school district, but I want this within the next few years before our oldest (currently 3) starts at school. Realistically, we’d be in a great spot if we saved aggressively in this house for 10 years, but I really want to move in 3-4 years. Any advice is welcome!
Thanks – needed this article! We live in a great area, great neighbors, walkable to parks and towns but our house is tiny for growing kids and I have the 7 year itch to upgrade. Really diving into why I want to upgrade is necessary, so glad you wrote this … need to think some more on what I said would be good for the kids …